“Talk to Me”
These three words can either be the most important or the most threatening words you will ever hear. Important and heartwarming because the person on the other side cares and loves you, but threatening because you don’t see it at first and in the moment what they are really asking is for you to be vulnerable.
It is hard to respond because you know the second that you do, the person won’t see you the same way. Your parents will worry and you will be admitting that you can’t help yourself. But guess what? It doesn’t matter half as much as you think it does. Sure, they won’t see you the same way because they are learning about another side of you. They can help you get through it and from then on, they will see you as stronger than you were ever before. Sure, your parents may be worried, but they would rather have you open up and tell them before there is nothing they can do. The little worry that fades once you are happy again is so much better than losing you forever. Sure, you admit you can’t help yourself, no one can. We are human and every single one of us is broken in one way or another but having the right people around us to talk to and to love can make it bearable, enough so that soon enough it might just heal.
However, despite knowing all of the above, when you are in the moment, opening your mouth is the hardest thing to do. But, let me tell you, it is so, so worth it. You may feel embarrassed and exposed but it will be a fleeting moment compared to either your continued suffering or your path to a solution.
A while ago, I had an indescribable feeling of emptiness and loneliness for the longest time. I didn’t tell my friends because I thought they would think I was weird. I didn’t tell my parents because I didn’t want them to think it was their fault. And I shrugged it off myself because I just “didn’t have time to deal with it” on top of school work. But it just got worse every day until it felt like I was just floating through a daily routine like a machine. Then, I decided to talk to my guidance counselor. I didn’t even know how to describe it or what to say but she was able to help me pinpoint the issue and guide me to a solution. Afterwards, I got more engaged with different friends, pursued things that I found out I enjoyed and found other people that shared similar experiences. And, slowly but surely that void began to fill. Truthfully, sometimes it does come back every now and again but now I have people around me to help me and I know where to go every time.
I am not saying that talking about it will definitely make you feel better but it will help you feel less alone in your times of darkness. Even if you don’t want to or aren’t ready to open up all the way, say it to yourself, acknowledge the problem and say it out loud even if you are alone. Once you can admit you have a problem, it can be easier to admit that you need help and it will be easier to go and find someone. Maybe opening the floodgates won’t be as bad as you think, maybe it will just allow the dam to rest.