Living with a Disability
Nadia had been three years old when she decided that she wanted a younger sibling. All of her friends had one, it only made sense that she did too. Nadia was four when her sister, Zahra was born. Nadia felt as if it were her duty to name her sister after her most favourite actress at the time, Zahra Malik. And she fulfilled her duty. Only the best for her younger sister.
Zahra was a chubby baby, but Nadia always knew she was more beautiful and talented than anyone she would ever meet. In Urdu, “Zahra” meant ‘beautiful’ and ‘brilliant’ and it would be an understatement to say that she lived up to every aspect of the name. From a young age, Zahra was the star of the family. The brightest light in everyone’s sky. Her soul was made from pink, fluffy cotton candy clouds and her smile was the sweetest, most genuine gift a person could receive. She was charismatic and known for her outstanding achievements in sports. She was kind and felt empathy for people at an age when most children didn’t even know the meaning of that word. She was an amazing artist, always colouring between the lines and worked like a well oiled drawing machine, churning out multiple sketches each day for the fridge.
And soon enough, that was all people started to see in her. At first, everyone concluded that it was normal for a young child to stutter but that changed completely in elementary school. She had come back from her first day crying. No one wanted to be friends with her as soon as she opened her mouth. Everyone backed away as if she was contagious. She wasn’t. That was the day when Nadia realised she needed to be more than Zahra’s sister, she needed to be her support, her best friend and everything else. Nadia was nine when she decided that she would be there every step of the way, in every way she can to support her. Today, as she leaned against the locked door to her sister’s room silently listening to her distressed sobs, she felt as if she had broken her promise. To her sister and herself.
Zahra had stopped talking. T-They think I am s-stupid, she said. She exchanged limited conversation with Nadia and their parents. She had shrunk so far into the background, she had become invisible to everyone. The teachers tried at first, but soon they gave up too. Everyone just gave up. Nadia couldn’t do that. Zahra’s stutter wasn’t constant, but consistency didn’t matter. Once they heard it, there was no unhearing it.
“Zahra, can we talk please?” Nadia asked as she knocked on her door. There was a long pause and a pause in the sniffles as Zahra considered what to say. “You don’t have to open the door if you don’t want to”
The reply was a short y-yes. The door remained locked. Despite having asked to talk, Nadia didn’t know what to say. She felt foolish for not coming up with something first. What Nadia wanted to say to her was this: Your stutter will maybe forever be used to describe you but it doesn’t have to define you. I might never understand the difficulties you go through everyday, I may never experience what you do on a daily basis. You are the bravest person I know. You stood tall when kids ran away when they first heard your voice. Stood tall to every bully that came your way. I may never know what it's like, but I’ll never stop trying. You are a brilliant human being and despite you being younger than me, I look up to you. If I could be a little bit more like you, I would be a better person. You have gone through so much in your 13 years of life than some people do in a lifetime. I am so proud of you. I am proud of you and I love you. I can’t tell you it's only downhill from here. It's not. But it will get better. And I promise you today, I promise you tomorrow, I promise you everyday, I will be there on that hill with you. Forever.
But she didn’t say any of that. She knew Zahra knew what she meant, even with her silence. It was what Nadia told her everyday, it was what her parents said and what her school counsellor reminded her.
“Did I ever tell you about the story about how I convinced mom and dad that I should be the one to name you?” Nadia said as the door clicked open.